Q: I am frustrated. In the Catholic Herald (Oct. 16-22), there was an article, “A place for gays, nonmarital unions.” It read, “In strikingly conciliatory language on situations contrary to Catholic teaching, an official midterm report from the Synod of Bishops on the family emphasized calls for greater acceptance and appreciation of divorced and remarried Catholics, cohabitating couples and homosexuals.” Is our church ‘caving-in’? — A reader in Oak Hill
A: For most of October, we heard much about the synod on the family in Rome. Frankly, a good number of people expressed concerns to me about what was being reported. I always have said in general, “Never believe the news media when it comes to the church,” and sometimes even Catholic media need to be scrutinized, like the article cited from the Catholic New Service. Growing up in the 1960s, I remember news and talk about Vatican II. Sadly, much of the suffering and unpleasantness in our church during the council’s aftermath was caused by what people thought Vatican II said or what was reported to be said. Even today, people will say, “Vatican II said this …” when Vatican II said nothing of the kind. The same is true here.
In reality, the church has always welcomed those individuals who have a same-sex attraction and those divorced and remarried individuals. We are a church of sinners. As we pray before the Sign of Peace: “Lord, look not on our sins, but on the faith of your church.” Oscar Wilde, himself known for a flamboyant lifestyle, became a Catholic on his deathbed; when asked, “Why?” he replied with great wit, “Respectable people join the Anglican Church, but I want to belong to a church of sinners.”
However, God’s truth is God’s truth. His commandments are commandments, not suggestions. To pretend sin is not sin is neither compassionate nor tolerant. Real compassion is trying to help someone who is involved in a sinful practice to find forgiveness, reconciliation and a life of grace. Similarly, a physician who would not tell a patient the truth about his condition and the necessary treatment is not compassionate; rather, he is cruel.
So, let’s look at these two issues. First, a person who has a same-sex attraction is welcome in the church; however, he or she is called to live a chaste life, like every person, whether heterosexual or homosexual. Sexual love — that is conjugal love — is for marriage, because it is a sign of the sacrament of marriage, whereby a man and a woman have become husband and wife, i.e. “the two have become one flesh” (Mt 19:6). This conjugal love between a husband and wife is meant to be faithful, permanent, exclusive, self-giving and life-giving. To remove this love from marriage, whether between a man and a woman, a man and a man, a woman and a woman or by oneself — is a mortal sin that prevents a person from receiving holy Communion. St. Paul clearly taught, “Do not deceive yourselves: No fornicators, idolaters or adulterers, no sexual perverts, thieves, misers or drunkards, no slanderers or robbers will inherit God’s kingdom” (1 Cor 6:9). Pausing here for a moment, cohabitating couples “act” like they are married, when they are not, and may scandalize others by their lifestyle of “pretend” marriage; while they are welcome at church, they may not receive holy Communion.
Regarding those with a same-sex attraction, they are called to live a chaste life (cf. Catechism of the Catholic Church, No. 2359). Moreover, “they must be accepted with respect, compassion and sensitivity. Every sign of unjust discrimination in their regard should be avoided” (Catechism, No. 2358). Nevertheless, while Christians are called to love sinners as did Our Lord, we are not called to “love” the sin.
The church does reach out to those who struggle with a same-sex attraction and strives to help them lead a chaste life. In 1980, an organization called Courage was founded by a group of priests and psychologists for persons struggling with same-sex attraction. Courage sets five principles before its members: 1) Live a chaste life in accordance with the Roman Catholic Church’s teachings on homosexuality; 2) dedicate one’s entire life to Christ through service to others, spiritual reading, prayer, meditation, individual spiritual direction and frequent reception of the sacraments of penance and of the holy Eucharist; 3) foster a spirit of fellowship in which they may share with one another their thoughts and experiences and so ensure that none of them will have to face the problems of same-sex attraction alone; 4) be mindful of the truth that chaste friendships are not only possible but necessary in celibate Christian life and to encourage one another in forming and sustaining them; and 5) live a life that may serve as a good example to others dealing with the same issues. Courage’s principles are challenges for each committed Christian. By the grace of God, each of us must strive to master ourselves, approach Christian perfection, and live in the freedom of God’s children.
Second, divorced and remarried couples are also welcome. Divorce is always tragic. Yet, we cannot forget that at some point the husband and wife exchanged vows publicly before God, family and the church. Husband and wife promised to be true to each other until death. For whatever reason, divorce occurred. However, divorce is a civil act. The sacrament still stands. So the church has a Declaration of Nullity process to help a person who is divorced to see if the vows are valid and binding. If not, the church declares those vows to be null from the very beginning, thereby allowing a person to enter freely into marriage again. Of course, this declaration has nothing to do with children, only the validity of the sacramental vows.
However, to divorce and remarry without such a declaration is to commit adultery. Jesus said, “Everyone who divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery. The man who marries a woman divorced from her husband likewise commits adultery (Lk 16:18). We cannot change the words of Our Lord. Nevertheless, those couples who decide to marry before obtaining a Declaration of Nullity place themselves in a state of mortal sin, thereby preventing them from receiving holy Communion. Such a couple should still attend Mass, and make a spiritual communion, expressing their love for the Lord and hopefully being motivated to have their marriage regularized in the church. Pope Benedict XVI taught, “Even in cases where it is not possible to receive sacramental communion, participation at Mass remains necessary, important, meaningful and fruitful. In such circumstances, it is beneficial to cultivate a desire for full union with Christ through the practice of spiritual communion, praised by Pope John Paul II and recommended by saints who were masters of the spiritual life” (“Sacramentum Caritatis,” No. 55). For a person who has suffered a divorce, he or she must remember the vows still stand and should pursue a Declaration of Nullity before entering into a serious relationship which may lead to marriage.
In all, the church cannot change the truth. We cannot disregard the commandments.
To do so would not be true to Jesus or the love He showed. Nevertheless, the church can always seek better ways to help people spiritually so they can live in the fullness of grace.